There is a series of reality TV shows that I am having trouble coming to terms with. You might have heard of it – “The Real Housewives of (insert hoity-toity locale here).” You know, they follow a group of what the network deems to be “typical” housewives of that area so we get to see their real life situations unfold before our eyes. Sounds good, but my question is this…how “real” are these housewives??
Being a “housewife” myself, I struggle with this show because my life is so extremely different than the real housewives of Orange County or New York City. I feel I am so behind the curve! I have yet to cut a record, or take a girl’s weekend trip to Boca on my private yacht, get in a fist fight with my “best friend” or drink champagne in the middle of the day because my friends have come over to view my new clothing line. Wow, do I have a lot of work to do.
No, I have not done any of these things nor do I have aspirations to do those things, nor do most of my other “housewife” friends. There-in lies the reason the network has not chosen Middle Tennessee to be the next focus group of housewives for their show. Just for fun, I started thinking of what that kind of show would be like. Now, I am not lumping the country music or football stars’ wives or entertainment lawyers’ or record executive’s wives into THIS version of the show. Nope, this show is just going to focus on the plain old, ordinary, dime a dozen, middle class, house moms that probably make up a majority of the “real housewives” in this country.
The series premier will probably go something like this – Mom wakes up to the buzzing of the alarm clock, well after dad has already left the house to begin his first shift job, or the class he takes before work in hopes to “better his position.” She then stumbles to her closet and throws on her fav sweats and fluffy socks and puts on her glasses so she won’t run into the wall while on her way to her school-age kids’ room to wake them up for school. Now, this is always an interesting turn of events as said child never wants to get out of bed.
Now switch to mom number two. Well, nevermind because she is doing the exact same thing. No need to film it twice.
Back to house number one. School-age kids are finally out the door and on the bus heading for their neighborhood public school. Now, mom runs around trying to get herself some what presentable – this means putting hair in a pony-tail, hopefully with no lumps (but when you can’t see the back of your head there is no guarantee), putting on her “good sweats” and some chap stick. Now it is time to get not-school aged kids out the door. This is a particularly good day because today non-school-agers are going to Mother’s Day Out at the church down the road.
On the way to said church, mom’s heart is filling with excitement as she begins to dream of all the things she is going to do over the next five hours without the kids. First, a trip to the grocery store with time to actually coupon shop! Oh the glory! But wait, there’s more! She then remembers the van needs an oil change so she giggles to herself with the thought of taking the car to Wal-Mart where they can change her oil while she grocery shops! Joyful day! Not only will mom be grocery shopping, getting her oil changed and tires rotated but while at Wal-Mart she can grab a nice quiet lunch at that fine eating establishment, Subway. Then, after her leisurely two-hour trip to Wal-Mart, there may even be time for a quick workout at the YMCA, sans personal trainer. The extra special treat there is that if you jump on a treadmill for half-hour to an hour, you can actually watch a non-cartoon TV program completely uninterrupted! After that the camera follows mom #1 on her rush to the bank to make a quick deposit so bills can be paid, and then a quick trip to drop off recyclables. Last, but certainly not least, it’s off to the public school to sit in the pick-up line waiting for kids.
Pan to mom #2. Well, pan back because she is also sitting in a car line.
While mom #1 sits in the car line, she gets out her cell phone and makes doctors’ appointments for kids or husband, writes out list of ideas for dinner, flips through paper and clips coupons and maybe, just maybe she will have enough time to make a social phone call to one of her friends.
I figure the episode should end there. After the kids get picked up from school its too crazy a world and I’m not sure network television is ready for soccer practice, piano lessons, sibling boxing matches, dinnertime preparations, toddler meltdowns and baths quite yet.
As you can see, in my version of The REAL Housewives, there is nothing about nannies, shopping for the stand-out outfit for fundraising galas, champagne lunches, hair-pulling and screaming matches because someone had on the same dress as me, no manis and pedis or even bon bons. In my version of The Real Housewives, we are spending our time shopping at Goodwill (love it!) instead of Gucci or sometimes even splurging at Target. We are clipping coupons instead of waxing our brows and bikini lines and spending Girl’s Night at Chili’s Two-For-Ones instead of chartering a private plane to Vegas. To most networks, our housewives’ lives may seem a little bland or boring, but to me, its PERFECT! I have a husband who loves me and is actually home with his family, we make enough money to pay our bills and keep food on our tables and clothes on our backs and we actually enjoy spending time with our friends for who they are, not what they can do for us. That’s how The Real Housewives of Middle Tennessee roll! Peace out!
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