For those of you who have been sympathetic to my potty-training plight will be thrilled to know that child number one is now officially OUT OF DIAPERS! Yes, it is true, in the sixth year of his life, our oldest son has kicked the Pull-ups habit and is now sleeping diaper free (and pee-pee free) through the night! We are so proud and happy for him! Now if we could just get the little guy to poop in the potty instead of the floor or his pants, we will be rockin’ a “diaper-free” household.
In light of the new chapter in our potty-training story, I began to look back nostalgically on diapers and what they have meant to my family and me over the past six years. I have had a love/hate relationship with these white, mysteriously successful “wetness absorbing” necessities of motherhood. Here are just 10 of the reasons I am sooo OVER diapers and ready for them to be a thing of my permanent past.
1. Price – They are so darn expensive. Even the “cheap” brands that sag after just one small excretion are outrageously expensive.
2. Lack of fashion-ability – When you are lugging around a couple of extra diapers and wipes everywhere you go, you are greatly limited in your options of dainty little fashion-forward handbags.
3. Constant feeling of guilt – This may seem a little out there, but I try to be environmentally conscious and there is absolutely nothing environmentally friendly about diapers. Their mystery material takes like 30 billion years to break down, and well, needless to say, diapers aren’t something you can just throw in a bin for recycling. I have seriously considered the “cloth” diaper option, but I am still haunted by the smell of my own nursery when I was a baby and cloth diapers were the only option. Gag.
4. Unreliability – You buy diapers to prevent nature from running down your child’s legs; however, I have been let down time and time again by my kids’ diapers, usually in public places. They have one function and one function only and when they fail in that function, you feel a little cheated. Most moms know about this unlucky phenomenon and never travel anywhere without an extra change of clothes tucked somewhere in the bottom of their bag – which in turn reinforces point # 2 in lack of cute purse options.
5. Those stupid “characters” printed on diapers – Can’t they just all look the same? Plain white diapers are fine. Why do we have to force fashion choices on our children at such a young age? For the longest time I was forced to purchase the more expensive brand because they were emblazoned with Buzz Lightyear across the front of the diaper and his buddy Woody across the butt. After a few packs of those, I finally had to explain to my son that mommy and daddy could no longer afford to have him pooping on Woody anymore. He cried. Damn, you Pampers.
6. Lack of ability to hold up in the washing machine – Have you ever accidentally washed one of those things? Oh gosh! That is a gross mess I wouldn’t wish on anyone. They completely disintegrate into this gel-y, flaky, mushy mess that is close to impossible to clean off the clothes and out of the washing machine.
7. Hides total cuteness – I hope this doesn’t sound a little weird, but I don’t think there is much out there that is cuter than a teeny-tiny baby booty! It’s almost a sin to put such a big, bulky thing on such a cute little butt! On days we were just hanging out at the house, I would put my guys in their little teeny-tiny size 2T underwear, partly to get them used to wearing big boy pants, but also because they looked so darn cute in them.
8. Lack of existence of the one-diaper-does all – Wouldn’t it be nice to just have one “do it all” diaper? If you scan the diaper aisles these days you will notice there is a diaper for everything, but not one diaper that does everything. You have to have a diaper for newborns, a diaper for crawlers, a special diaper for swimming, there are nighttime diapers, and diapers made especially for potty-training, even diapers made for boys and some for girls. I am waiting for them to come out with “seasonal” diapers – “lightweight but absorbent for summer BMs and down-filled diapers for those winter-time accidents.”
9. Aroma – No matter how absorbent or pleasantly scented a diaper is, you cannot mask the smell of its contents. My house hasn’t smelled the same since my first-born came home from the hospital. I don’t know if it’s just me or if my house really does always smell like poop. Even after tightly wrapping the soiled diaper in a grocery bag and tossing it in the outside trash, the smell of poop and baby-powder just hang like a cloud in our house.
10. Unspoken stigma – As many of you know, I have not had major success in the potty-training department and I’ve noticed that sometimes just seeing a diaper will spur some people into a sympathetic pep-talk about their road to diaper-freedom. Now, most moms probably don’t “mean” to be degrading, but when they go on and on about how their 10-month old has been out of diapers and peeing and pooping in the potty, you can’t help but kinda feel like you have done something wrong since your six-year old still wears Pull-ups to bed (not anymore!) or your three year old actually takes his underwear off and puts on a Pull-up when he has to poop. Let’s just not talk about it.